"WHY AM I HERE IN MY CAVE?"
Well I've described the pain, the soreness, the fatigue and nausea and brain fog. I still think I can un-will the god awful fatigue, so far FM is IN CHARGE. I've been working on this for 20 years to no avail. Until June 2007 the treatment for FM was Pain Management, Physical Therapy (swimming etc), and ANTIDEPRESSANTS. Pain management consisted of getting the drug of your choice, for most it is Lortab. And that's all good. Pain Management Doctors, is in my opinion are nothing more than "drug pushers" with a "White Coat" and a "Prescription Pad" and don't forget their Medical Degree. Treatment by a Pain Management Doctor can be cut off at any time with little or no reason given.
I take one Prescription for FM. All the rest are for Depression, Insomnia and Anxiety. I can't expect the Shrinks to know "they can't fix a black whole", the Black Whole is an endless spiral of emptiness", if the Black Whole is empty, nothing is there. So, how can a pill treat something that is not there? It is VOID. I can tell you this, I did not sign up for this Black Whole and the Isolation.
I count my blessings every day. What I have is not going to kill me. Both my parents died of horrible brain diseases, Alzheimer's and End Stage Parkinson's. Their demise was slow and scary. NOW THAT IS SOME SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUES, I don't have that.
What I do have is acceptance. My Glass is still Half Full; OF WHAT??? Doctors are trying to understand Depression. The meds monkey around with the chemicals in our brains. One of the side effects I have is stuttering. It embarrasses me to no end. I have restless leggs, a side effect from the meds. One drug that is used to treat the restless leggs is a drug prescribed for patients with Parkinson's Disease. WOW.
I must say in fairness that FM is a Syndrome. It is in epedemic proportions, striking mostly women.
I do have good days here and there. One good day cleaning house etc. = 3 or 4 days in pain with no position of comfort.
Depression is a MONSTER. I want to keep that MONSTER IN MY CAVE.
To my Big Brother, thanks for your interest in the Blog, and for opening up to me about your Depression. When we spoke on the phone I had to hold back the tears. I was sad for you, but happy when you said that is was about time somebody in our family laid it out. We are not islolated BY CHOICE. We used to be the life of the party.
Take It From Toots
Comments
My name is Debii. My mom has FM, and I know very personally what you're dealing with. Please don't forget that God is in control! FM does not have to define you.
I hope you'll visit my mom's myspace. She has a few blogs and other things that might encourage you!
http://www.myspace.com/418364164
Have a GREAT day! =)
Thanks so much for your comment, FM like many health issues affect the family. It sounds like you have a full understanding of FM and your Mother is very lucky to have you. I got FM at age 38. I was a high achiever, perfectionist, took too much on and was sexually abused by my Step Father at age 15. In all my research and web sites over these many years, in questionaires - I ask "when you were young were you ever sexually abused by a family member?"out of all the interviews only one lady said NO. I began asking this question because FM strikes mostly women. You are right, God is in Control and I own FM. My first husband of 30 years just could not handle me being in bed. I was in bed for 8 years. Then I began to fight the disease. When I am in the fog and the only thing that does not hurt is my hair I give in to it. At age 40 I began receiving Disability benefits from Social Security and was denied only one time. I would love to be able to work and also have my first marriage back. God chose FM for me, with a purpose. I am a natural born care giver and I can see FM on a complete stranger. They always ask me "how did you know", I also stopped and began to smell the roses. I certainly will visit your moms space. You are a cutie pie. I wish I had a daughter - I lost my Mother to Alzheimer's a few years ago, and I write her a letter in my journal every day. We were so close. I have 2 sons, 41 and 38 and they have seen me at my worst and they know the pain is real. God Bless You, and Have a Great Day=)
Conniejeancoolbeans